Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. What do you think of it? What else are you interested in? Let us know: email@example.com.
Late Night Offers Comparisons
After it was revealed that President Trump had an undisclosed conversation with President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia during the G-20 summit meeting, late-night hosts found themselves resorting to a range of similes.
“People think you colluded with the president of a hostile foreign power, then you go out to meet with him again — and you don’t tell anybody? That’s like if O.J. does get on parole, and immediately goes glove shopping.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“If there’s a perception of you that you’re colluding with Russia, just don’t have a private conversation with the president of Russia. It’s like if there are rumors that you have sex with sheep. Even if they are false, just stay away from sheep for a while. I know some people would be like, ‘That’s not fair man. I can’t go to the petting zoo anymore?’ ‘I’m sorry, no, you can’t.’ ‘So I gotta give away my season tickets?’ ‘Yeah, you do. And by the way, why did you have season tickets to the petting zoo anyway? This is why questions are raised about you, man.’” — TREVOR NOAH
“Is this your idea of playing it cool? You’re like a bank robber who goes out the next day and buys a Ferrari — with a ‘BANKROBBER’ vanity plate.” — SETH MEYERS
Mr. Colbert summed up his level of confidence in the Trump administration’s truthfulness:
“This might actually be a nothing burger. But every time they tell us it’s a nothing burger, it turns out to be a juicy quarter pounder with sleaze.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Plans D, E and F
After the collapse of Senate Republicans’ ‘Plan C’ — to repeal the Affordable Care Act now and replace it later — Jimmy Fallon said the G.O.P. wasn’t done offering alternatives. “It turns out Republicans have prepared even more backup plans,” Mr. Fallon said.
“Plan D is: Repeal Obamacare, then send everyone a packet of Emergen-C. Plan E is: Threaten to tweet out ‘Game of Thrones’ spoilers if the bill doesn’t pass. And finally, Plan F is: Eliminate Obamacare, then pray that Oprah just gives everyone health care.” — JIMMY FALLON
Subduing the Left’s Impeachment Dreams
On “Full Frontal,” the correspondents Mike Rubens and Ashley Nicole Black attended a Trump impeachment rally — and threw some cold water on the whole idea.
“More presidents have been removed from office by cholera than by impeachment,” Mr. Rubens said, suggesting that it was especially unlikely with a Republican-controlled Congress. He and Ms. Black urged protesters to become involved in local politics and issues rather than focusing on what they called a virtually unreachable goal.
Continue reading the main story