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ABC
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. What do you think of it? What else are you interested in? Let us know: thearts@nytimes.com.
‘A Kanye-and-Taylor-Swift-Type Situation’
After Jimmy Kimmel excoriated Senator Bill Cassidy on Tuesday for proposing a health care bill that would leave many children with caps on their insurance coverage, he was met with a strong backlash from conservative politicians and pundits. Mr. Kimmel didn’t back down on Wednesday, leading “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” with a fierce response.
“I don’t want to turn this into a Kanye-and-Taylor-Swift-type situation, but when Senator Cassidy was on my show in May, he told me that he believed that every American family regardless of income should be able to get quality health care. And I believed he was sincere. Sadly, the bill he unveiled last week with Senator Lindsey Graham indicates that he was not sincere. It is, by many accounts, the worst health care bill yet.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
Mr. Kimmel singled out one Fox News personality in particular for a dressing-down: Brian Kilmeade, who lamented on Wednesday that “Hollywood elites like comedian Jimmy Kimmel” were “pushing their politics on the rest of the country.” Mr. Kimmel said he’d met Mr. Kilmeade, who he described as behaving “like a little boy meeting Batman.”
“Oh, he’s such a fan of the show: He follows me on Twitter; he asked me to write a blurb for his book, which I did; he calls my agent looking for projects. He’s dying to be a member of the Hollywood elite. The only reason he’s not a member of the Hollywood elite is because nobody will hire him to be one. And you know, the reason I’m talking about this is because my son had an open-heart surgery, and has to have two more, and because of that I learned that there are kids without insurance in the same situation. I don’t get anything out of this, Brian, you phony little creep. Oh, I’ll pound you when I see you. That will be my blurb for your next book: ‘Brian Kilmeade is a phony little creep.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
How Do You Define ‘Last-Ditch’?
On “The Daily Show,” Trevor Noah took issue with the way the media is covering Mr. Cassidy’s health care proposal. He reminded viewers that when Republicans tried to pass a health care bill earlier this summer, it was called a “last-ditch” effort — and that the same language is being used now.
“O.K., no, no. You can’t have another last-ditch effort, O.K.? No. It says ‘last’ right in the name. Jesus didn’t have the Last Supper and then go, ‘You know what, I could actually eat again. Let’s do it, bang bang, I’ll meet you at Chili’s in 20 minutes.’” — TREVOR NOAH
Stephen Colbert suggested some more metaphorical language.
“Republicans are trying to repeal and replace Obamacare, again. This is beyond beating a dead horse. This is getting damn close to bestiality, O.K.? I hope that horse has a safe word.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Chronicles of Nambia
President Trump misspoke at the United Nations on Wednesday when addressing a conference of African leaders. The hosts were ready to roast.
“During a speech today, Trump mispronounced the African nation of Namibia, and instead called it Nambia. Then Trump corrected himself and said, ‘Sorry, I meant Narnia.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Now, there is no such country as Nambia. Despite that, they will soon have a better health care system than we do. I might move to Nambia.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Pumpkin Edition)
“President Trump tweeted this morning, quote, ‘Big meetings today at the United Nations, so many interesting leaders.’ While the United Nations tweeted, ‘Day 2 of this guy, buckle up everyone.’” — SETH MEYERS
“I read that farmers in Europe are close to growing a 3,000-pound pumpkin. Then Americans said, ‘Eh, let us know when you elect one.’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Two of Samantha Bee’s “Full Frontal” correspondents went to Netroots Nation to take the pulse of a Democratic Party in need of some healing.
Meet Representative Dana Rohrabacher, who Seth Meyers calls Russia’s favorite member of Congress.
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
Halle Berry will be on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” on Thursday. So will Senator Al Franken, who will probably have some things to say about the Graham-Cassidy health care bill.
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Paramount Pictures
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