Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. What do you think of it? What else are you interested in? Let us know: email@example.com.
Giving Trump a Strategic Promotion
Late-night TV has been a bastion of outrage long before President Trump took office. But things reached a fever pitch after Mr. Trump repeatedly refused to condemn violent, right-wing demonstrators in Charlottesville, Va. On Tuesday, Jimmy Kimmel urged the president’s remaining supporters to abandon him.
“Treat the situation like you would if you’d put ‘Star Wars’ wallpaper up in the kitchen: ‘All right, I got caught up. I was excited, I made a mistake, and now it needs to go.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
Then he suggested a plan he said he hoped everyone could get behind: Promote the president to king.
“England has a queen. She lives in a palace, everyone makes a big deal when she shows up, she has no power at all. In the morning, they put a crown on her head, she stands there and waves, she goes back to bed — that’s it. If the queen were to walk out on the balcony and open her shirt, nothing over there would change. The queen could be completely bonkers — it would make no difference at all. She’d still be queen, it would still be fine. That’s what we need to do with Donald Trump. We need to set him up in a castle, maybe in Florida, lead him to the top and then lock the door to that castle — forever.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
Why Does Trump Care So Much About These Statues?
Mr. Trump suggested at his news briefing on Tuesday that the recent removal of Confederate statues could also lead states to re-examine memorials dedicated to slave-owning presidents like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. Stephen Colbert wondered why Mr. Trump cared so much.
“Spoken like a guy who’s suspiciously worried that racist presidents don’t get statues anymore.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Mr. Colbert guessed at what would become of the Confederate statues removed in recent days.
“No word yet on where the statues will end up, but I’m guessing Steve Bannon’s summer home.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Facts Edition)
“I wait for the facts, O.K.? Just ask the millions of illegal voters who refused to look for Obama’s birth certificate during my record-breaking inauguration. It’s all in the Obama wiretaps. It’s all there.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, responding to Mr. Trump’s assertion that “before I make a statement, I like to know the facts.”_
“The latest Gallup poll found that President Trump’s approval rating with Republicans has dropped 3 points in the last week. But he’s still holding steady with ‘angry mobs, 18-35.’” — SETH MEYERS
The Bits Worth Watching
Psst. They’re actors. Just guess the opposite of the way they’re acting.
Here’s how Steve Bannon applies for jobs.
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
The ever-awkward and ever-hilarious Zach Galifianakis, who just received an Emmy nomination for his role on the FX show “Baskets,” will be on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” Wednesday night.
Also, Check This Out
If someone asked you where Mr. Trump’s political career began, you might say on Fox News, or an escalator, but you probably wouldn’t say late-night TV. But in more than 30 appearances on David Letterman’s shows over the years, our critic writes, “Mr. Trump test drove his current brand of populism to crowd-pleasing success.”
Continue reading the main story