Late-Night Hosts Tear Into Senate Health Care Bill

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Is the New Health Bill ‘Bettercare’?

The late-night hosts on Thursday took their cracks at Senate Republicans’ newly unveiled health care bill, which makes deep cuts to Medicaid and allows insurance companies more power over what their plans cover and how much they cost. But Jimmy Fallon noticed something else tucked into the legislation.

“The Senate health care bill came out today, and I saw that it would cut a tax on indoor tanning — which is the biggest proof so far that Trump was actually working on the bill.” — JIMMY FALLON

“The bill includes a big tax cut for rich people. So unless you just got drafted by an N.B.A. team, it’s not great news. They’re calling the plan ‘Bettercare,’ as in, ‘Just imagine how much better this plan would be if the people who wrote it cared.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“The bill is so bad, President Trump said, ‘Does anyone have any questions for me about Russia? Alternatively, I could show you my tax returns. Do you guys want to see that?’” — SETH MEYERS

“Republicans went into a room saying, ‘Let’s fix health care,’ and then they came out like, ‘All right, so we’ve cut Americans’ health care so that we can give people tax cuts. Yeah! That was the point of this, right?’ No, it’s not the point. That’s like a fireman running into a burning building and saving the fire instead of the baby.” — TREVOR NOAH

Trump Rallies Supporters in Iowa

Mr. Trump held a rally in Iowa on Wednesday, and the hosts took on his most questionable lines. Seth Meyers targeted a moment when Mr. Trump said he had to be truthful, or else the news media would attack him.

“You think it would be a headline if you lied? It would be a headline if you didn’t. No matter what else was happening, that would be the biggest story in the country. ‘Donald Trump Doesn’t Lie.’ ‘Also, Cancer Cured, Page 8.’” — SETH MEYERS

“He also shared his plan to put solar panels on his Mexican border wall, and he insisted that the solar panels on the wall were his idea, which they were not. Donald Trump is the guy in, like, your office who doesn’t chip in for the birthday gift but makes sure his name’s right in the middle of the card.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Punchiest Punchlines (Uber Edition)

“The C.E.O. of Uber announced that he is resigning from his company. When asked how he thinks he did, he said: ‘Three stars.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Donald Trump will hold his first re-election fund-raiser later this month. The 2020 election has already started. I’m starting to get the feeling that the United States isn’t so much a country as it is an endless series of elections, occasionally interrupted by football and superhero movies.” — JAMES CORDEN

The Bits Worth Watching

“The new Senate health care bill: It’s a mean, beautiful, heartless, amazing travesty of an accomplishment.”

“Musical chairs: Whoever doesn’t have a chair at the end doesn’t get health care.”

Enjoy the Weekend

It’s the first weekend of summer. Soak it in, and we’ll be back to recap the shows on Tuesday morning.

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