Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. What do you think of it? What else are you interested in? Let us know: email@example.com.
‘Pursuant to Relevant Codes and Libel Laws’
A second appeals court has ruled against President Trump’s revised travel ban, and the decision even cited one of the president’s own tweets.
“Trump’s lawyers have become so concerned about the possibility that his tweets could hurt him in court that one option considered in the White House involved having a group of lawyers review and vet President Trump’s tweets in advance,” Seth Meyers said on Monday. He imagined what a legally vetted Trump tweet might look like.
“Haters and losers (stipulating that such terms are subjective, pursuant to relevant codes and libel laws) refuse to admit that Mexico (as well as its subsidiaries, LLCs and other related or independent entities) will pay (‘pay’ not being limited to actual disbursement of monetary funds) for the wall. (Reader acknowledges that ‘wall’ may be defined to include fencing, rivers, existing natural boundaries, scarecrows, ‘do not enter’ signs, dirt, hedges and/or unseen physical barriers that may or may not appear visible to the naked eye.)” — SETH MEYERS
Did Sarah Huckabee Sanders Just Outdo ‘Covfefe’?
Stephen Colbert on Monday poked fun at Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the deputy White House press secretary, after she tweeted a puzzling slew of emojis — less than two weeks after President Trump’s famous “covfefe” tweet. On “The Late Show,” Stephen Colbert offered a theory:
“Sarah Huckabee Sanders, she has done a solid job filling in for Sean Spicer. And she’s even adopted his approach to the English language — because this weekend, she tweeted this string of incomprehensible emojis, symbols and letters. Which is surprising: Why not stick to the White House’s clear message of ‘covfefe?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Huckabee Sanders gave an explanation in her next tweet: ‘This is what happens when your 3-year-old steals your phone.’ First of all, he only seems like a 3-year-old. He’s going to be 71 on Wednesday.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Corden on Melania Trump’s Big Move
Melania Trump has moved into the White House after a long delay. Her absence there had become a late-night TV trope. James Corden joked about how she might be adjusting.
“Rumors say Melania was unhappy about moving into the White House but felt more reassured when Trump told her, ‘Don’t worry, I’m usually at Mar-a-Lago. You’ll never see me. I’m literally never there.’” — JAMES CORDEN
“She had to learn all of the important stuff about living in the White House. You know, where the bathrooms are, how to turn on the air conditioning, how to lie under oath — the basics.” — JAMES CORDEN
The Punchiest Punchlines (Statehood Edition)
“I saw that yesterday Puerto Rico voted to become America’s 51st state. That’s when you know things can’t be good in Puerto Rico: When they see what’s going on here and they’re like, ‘We’re going to take our chances.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Last week was probably one of the worst weeks of Donald Trump’s presidency — which, by the way, is something we say every week now. Trump’s presidency is basically like global warming: Every week is the worst week on record, and the Republicans are also trying hard to deny it.” — TREVOR NOAH
The Bits Worth Watching
While he was in London last week, James Corden tried his hand at some alternate professions.
This classic “Planet Earth” segment was only missing one thing: A Snoop Dogg narration.
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Mark Wahlberg will appear on “The Tonight Show” on Tuesday, presumably to discuss the latest installment in the “Transformers” franchise, which is out later this month.
Also, Check This Out
Delta Air Lines and Bank of America recently withdrew support for the Public Theater’s Shakespeare in the Park program because a production of “Julius Caesar” depicts the assassination of a Trump-like emperor. The play has a long history of timely political reimaginings.
Continue reading the main story