Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. What do you think of it? What else are you interested in? Let us know: email@example.com.
Driven to Drugs
Seth Meyers pointed out that when President Trump threatened to unleash “fire and fury” on North Korea earlier this week, he was at a meeting on the opioid crisis. Mr. Meyers suggested that the two issues might actually be linked.
“You know, if you don’t want people to start taking drugs, stop making them think the end of the world is imminent. ‘I will rain hellfire on my enemies until no man but me is left standing on the burning heap of what was once civilization. Also, say no to drugs, kids.’” — SETH MEYERS
Mr. Meyers was surprised to see Mr. Trump on Thursday doubling down on his comments, suggesting that his rhetoric may not have been “tough enough.”
“‘Not tough enough’? What would be tougher than ‘fire and fury’? ‘Fire and fury and bees’? ‘2 Fire 2 Furious’?” — SETH MEYERS
On “The Tonight Show,” Jimmy Fallon highlighted some other aspects of the North Korea standoff.
“I read that the U.S. has a plan to launch a cyberattack on North Korea. It’s pretty serious. They say it could affect both of North Korea’s computers.” — JIMMY FALLON
“The news organizations are actually telling people what to do in case of a nuclear attack. They say people should immediately stay inside and keep watching Netflix.” — JIMMY FALLON
‘Why Bill No Pass?’
Stephen Colbert is amazed that Mr. Trump wasn’t satisfied to be feuding with a hostile foreign power — he also got into a tussle with his own party’s Senate majority leader.
“Yes, why not done? Trump have point. Why bill no pass? Trump sad. And: Trump not stop! Trump Tweet: …” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Jimmy Kimmel summed up the situation in his own way.
“We’re facing a possible nuclear attack and our president is having a Katy Perry-Taylor Swift-type Twitter feud with Mitch McConnell. I don’t know what’s going on.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Guy Fieri Edition)
“You can now go on Airbnb and rent Trump’s childhood home, where he lived until he was 4. So at least there’s one house where he lasted four years.” — JIMMY FALLON
“President Trump had lunch with Vice President Mike Pence today at his golf club in New Jersey. They would have played golf, but Pence thinks getting it in the hole is a sin.” — SETH MEYERS
“A truck carrying 22,000 pounds of ravioli and jalapeños caught on fire while on a highway in Indiana — and immediately became Guy Fieri’s latest restaurant.” — SETH MEYERS
The Bits Worth Watching
This is probably the only time you’re going to see Anthony Anderson, Terry Gross and Kesha on one stage at the same time.
“Anyone who says ‘totes amazeballs’ will be brutes executed.”
Enjoy the Weekend
Next week starts with a bang: Anthony Scaramucci will be on “The Late Show.” Join us Tuesday morning for a recap.
Also, Check This Out
Michael Moore has begun his run on Broadway. Our critic isn’t very impressed. He writes: “You don’t have to disagree with Mr. Moore’s politics to find that his shtick has become disagreeable with age.”
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