Stephen Colbert Is Shocked That He Finds Trump’s Tweets Shocking

Meyers Skewers the Health Care Bill

Near the start of “Late Night,” Seth Meyers reacted to Mr. Trump’s tweets with his own brand of bafflement. Introducing a new segment called “I Can’t,” Mr. Meyers spent a solid 10 seconds in silence. Then he just said: “I can’t.”

Mr. Meyers did a longer segment on the Republican health care bill in the Senate, quoting a poll showing 12 percent support for the legislation.

“Twelve percent? His health care bill is an iPhone in a horror movie. It’s going to hit zero, and everyone is going to die.” — SETH MEYERS

Mr. Meyers quoted a number of reports saying that many of Mr. Trump’s colleagues don’t believe he understands the bill.

“Watching this president try to negotiate a complex piece of legislation is like playing ‘Call of Duty’ with your grandmother. ‘Which one is me? Why can’t I go that way? Oh no, they’re shooting at us!’” — SETH MEYERS

He closed the monologue by also placing blame on Speaker Paul D. Ryan and Senator Mitch McConnell, the majority leader.

“To the likes of Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell, Donald Trump’s presidency is a filet mignon steak with a little piece of [expletive] on it. And they’re willing to ignore that [expletive] to get to the steak. But it’s become clear that it’s actually a giant piece of [expletive] with a little bit of steak on it. And their attitude seems to be, ‘Well, we’re already at the restaurant.’” — SETH MEYERS

The Punchiest Punchlines (Spirit Airlines Edition)

“President Trump last night hosted the first fund-raiser for his 2020 re-election campaign. The event was black tie, but white guest.” — SETH MEYERS

“A woman gave birth to a baby on a Spirit Airlines flight. When the flight attendant said, ‘Is there a doctor on board?’ the passengers said, ‘Of course not. This is Spirit Airlines.’” — JIMMY FALLON

The Bits Worth Watching

Doesn’t get much more intellectual than this right here.

Clip-on pants?

Enjoy the Weekend

Have a great Independence Day weekend. The late-night hosts will all take off next week.

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