Stephen Colbert Tells Rex Tillerson: ‘Nobody Calls Our President a Moron Except Me’

Photo

Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. What do you think of it? What else are you interested in? Let us know: thearts@nytimes.com.

Colbert to Tillerson: Back Off

The late-night shows were buzzing with Wednesday’s reports that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson had called President Trump a “moron,” and that Vice President Mike Pence had to persuade him not to resign.

For his part, Stephen Colbert got rather protective of his insult territory.

“Hold on there, Rex. Hold on there, Tillerson. Nobody calls our president a moron except me.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

He pondered for a beat, then added: “And other world leaders. And, ultimately, history.”

Mr. Colbert made light of the aggressive tweets Mr. Trump sent attacking NBC, which broke the Tillerson story.

“In times of trouble, Donald Trump always is there — for himself. ‘Thoughts and prayers to the black hole in my heart that will never be filled and is the shape of my daddy.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

Here’s what other hosts had to say about the Tillerson fiasco.

“This is the first administration where cabinet secretaries regularly hold press conferences to announce they’re not quitting. It usually happens just before they quit.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“He called him a moron and then Mike Pence talked him out of resigning. Yeah, Pence’s exact words were, ‘Don’t quit — that moron needs you.’” — CONAN O’BRIEN

“It turns out Mike Pence gave Rex Tillerson a pep talk to get him to stay on as secretary of state. Because nothing screams ‘pep’ like a talk from Mike Pence.” — JIMMY FALLON

Paying the Price

Conan O’Brien circled back to a story from last week, when Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price resigned under pressure after he spent roughly $400,000 of taxpayer money on trips in private jets.

“Trump was furious when he found out Price was charging the government for private planes — President Trump said, ‘Hey, that’s my thing.’” — CONAN O’BRIEN

The Punchiest Punch Lines (Michelle Obama Edition)

“Former first lady Michelle Obama yesterday criticized the lack of diversity in Congress. Said Congress: ‘Not true, we have white men from 50 different states!’” — SETH MEYERS

“According to a recent report, the price of legal marijuana has dropped by almost 19 percent this year. Said marijuana users: ‘Nineteen percent o’ what?’” — SETH MEYERS

“Byron Scott, a former coach of the Lakers, had his home broken into and money and valuables stolen. Afterwards, Scott said, ‘It could be worse: I could still be the coach of the Lakers.’” — CONAN O’BRIEN

The Bits Worth Watching

Samantha Bee teamed up with the “Hamilton” cast member Javier Muñoz to tell the story of Puerto Rico — its history and its current predicament.

Russell Brand received one of “The Late Show’s” highest honors.

What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night

Morgan Freeman, who will receive the Screen Actors Guild’s 2018 Life Achievement Award, sits down with Stephen Colbert on Thursday on “The Late Show.”

Also, Check This Out

Photo

Sarah Silverman has a new political variety show, “I Love You, America.”

Continue reading the main story