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Thema Bryant is doing the most, and doing it very well.
She is the president of the American Psychological Association and a professor of psychology at Pepperdine University where she directs the Culture and Trauma Research Laboratory.
She also hosts The Homecoming Podcast where she shares tips on how to deal with tough emotions and difficult situations in a healthy way.
Still, one of her most impressive accomplishments is that she knows how to make herself happy. “One of the important [lessons] for me is agency or empowerment to choose myself,” Bryant says.
How do you choose yourself? The directive is clear but the follow through can be harder to determine. Can choosing yourself mean sitting in bed and watching TV? What about taking a nap — does that count?
To Bryant, these ideas absolutely do count. “With television or with social media, you just want to pay attention to how you’re feeling during it and after,” she says. “If it’s stressing you out and it makes you feel worse about yourself, then that’s not your activity. If you are enjoying yourself, then that’s it.”
CNBC Make It talked to Bryant about how to find happiness and what role routine can play in sustaining joy. The interview has been edited for clarity and brevity.
‘Ask yourself what makes you come alive’
Aditi Shrikant, CNBC Make It: What is your best advice for sustaining happiness?
Thema Bryant: Learning the lesson that it is important, and not selfish, to make your wholeness and wellness a priority.
We may be raised, either based on gender or religion or race, with the value of being a caretaker for others. You have to know yourself to know your boundaries, your limitations and know your needs. And know that your needs are important.
A quote I really like by Howard Thurman is: “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
It is important, and not selfish, to make your wholeness and wellness a priority.
Thema Bryant
President of the American Psychological Association
For me, one of the things that makes me come alive is dancing and spoken word poetry. Because of the pandemic there are so many things available online. I can go to an online dance class or they have an African dance workout online. Or I can take some time in the morning to write a poem. That gives me joy, so then I’m not going out into the world thirsty, needing something or someone outside of me to make me happy.
I am clear that my joy can be an inside job. It’s not something I’m waiting for another person to give me.
Shrikant: Lots of people will read this and think, “But I don’t have a hobby.” How can you find the thing that brings you joy if you don’t have a defined hobby?
Bryant: It doesn’t have to be an arts and crafts if that’s not your thing. It is an activity that you enjoy when you’re doing it. It can be going out to eat. It can be playing with your pet.
I teach at Pepperdine and I had my students create self care and community care commitments to themselves for the semester. One thing they were going to do every week. I so appreciated one student who said her activity was going to be watching her favorite TV show.
Sometimes we don’t think about that as self care, but if people are constantly working all the time or on the run, to just sit there and watch a show, that is a gift to yourself.
‘Routine is helpful for those who have stress, loss, trauma’
Shrikant: How important are routines to happiness?
Bryant: Doing something on a regular basis is important. Sometimes you’ll do something for a while then you’re tired of that. In the pandemic I started walking and I got into it and then I got tired of it.
Routine is helpful for those who have a lot of stress, loss, or trauma. It is giving yourself some predictability. Sometimes our lives can be out of control or feel out of control, so that sense of a regular schedule, not only for adults but also for kids, is important.
Sleep hygiene is also important. Trying to go to sleep around the same time, that’s helpful.
Shrikant: Are there any material items that give you happiness?
Bryant: I like the weighted blanked. Some people love it, some people don’t like it. For me, I like it. It helps me to sleep, and sleep more deeply.
Something smaller would be aromatherapy. Lavender, jasmine, just scents that are calming or refreshing. It can be body oils or I spray them in the room or light a candle.
Shrikant: Is there anything else you do that plays an important role in sustaining happiness?
Bryant: I have a sisterhood circle. It’s a group of women I connect with monthly and it’s two hours long.
The first hour we are informally sharing and meeting and then in the second hour we each go around and share something inspirational. Maybe a poem we came across, or a story.
By each of us sharing it creates an equality so it’s not on one person to do the emotional heavy lifting. Sometimes we have these situations where one person is the pourer or giver.
It’s a beautiful community and connection. They are all really bright, talented women. I think that’s important as well. When you’re around visionaries or dreamers, they aren’t trying to talk you out of your dreams.
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