Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. What do you think of it? What else are you interested in? Let us know: firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Tillerson Story Continues
The fallout continues from an NBC News report that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson openly called President Trump a “moron” in a meeting at the Pentagon, and had to be persuaded not to resign in frustration. Mr. Trump has denied the story, calling it “fake news,” but revelations keep emerging.
“This morning Donald Trump went on a Twitter rant, saying, ‘This is Fake News put out by @NBCNews. Low news and reporting standards.’ Now, he may be right about NBC having low standards: They did air 14 seasons of ‘The Apprentice.’” — JAMES CORDEN
“Administration officials are confident that Tillerson will stay because, apparently, there’s an agreement between Defense Secretary James Mattis, Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin and Rex Tillerson, whereby all three cabinet secretaries vow to leave in the event that the president makes moves against one of them. And Trump is known for making moves: Rex, if the president offers to take you furniture shopping, get out of there.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Tillerson, of course, was forced to issue a statement at a hastily arranged press conference yesterday, where he took the extraordinary step of trying to assure the American people that the president is not, in fact, a moron. Man, to think a guy’s a moron and then be forced to publicly say he’s smart: I guess when your name is Rex, you’re going to be good at rolling over.” — SETH MEYERS
‘Somehow He’s Already Sunburned’
Mr. Meyers also landed a few jabs at Vice President Mike Pence, who is scheduled to go to the hurricane-ravaged Caribbean on Friday.
“Vice President Mike Pence plans to visit Puerto Rico tomorrow, and somehow he’s already sunburned. Pence will also visit the Virgin Islands tomorrow, where he will remind them to stay the Virgin Islands until marriage.” — SETH MEYERS
“Vice President Pence said in an op-ed yesterday that the U.S. will lead in space again under the Trump administration. Space? It took him two weeks to figure out how to get to Puerto Rico!” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (Tim Murphy Edition)
“Google just released a pair of headphones that can translate 40 languages instantly. They say it’s a great way to travel to a new country and find out everyone’s making fun of you.” — JIMMY FALLON
“It’s such a pity that Tim Murphy terminated his career before it came to term. Such a pity.” — TREVOR NOAH, reacting to the resignation of Representative Tim Murphy, an anti-abortion politician who encouraged his extramarital lover to consider terminating a pregnancy
The Bits Worth Watching
Jordan Klepper celebrated the way “alternative media” — conspiracy-prone publications like Infowars and Gateway Pundit — helped spread falsehoods after the Las Vegas shooting. (If you’re still getting to know him, Mr. Klepper plays a satirical right-wing pundit on his new show, “The Opposition.”)
What lengths will people go to in order to be on TV? Jimmy Kimmel investigated.
Enjoy the Weekend
Next week will kick off with a visit to “Late Night” from Senator Cory Booker of New Jersey. We’ll be here to bring you the news of what Mr. Booker, a Democrat, says. In the meantime, have a great weekend.
Also, Check This Out
Stephen Colbert unloaded on the president during an appearance at Michael Moore’s Broadway show, using words that wouldn’t make it onto his CBS broadcasts.
Continue reading the main story